Wrath and anger are hateful things, yet the sinner hugs them tight. The vengeful will suffer the LORD's vengeance, for he remembers their sins in detail. Forgive your neighbor's injustice; then when you pray, your own sins will be forgiven. Could anyone nourish anger against another and expect healing from the LORD? Could anyone refuse mercy to another like himself, can he seek pardon for his own sins? If one who is but flesh cherishes wrath, who will forgive his sins? Remember your last days, set enmity aside; remember death and decay, and cease from sin! Think of the commandments, hate not your neighbor; remember the Most High's covenant, and overlook faults.                                                              Sirach 27:30-28:7 Such a powerful first reading today. How hard for me to hear. Forgiveness is something we are called to. It is probably the most challenging.  As I sat there with other families, older people and younger people, I wondered about this word forgiveness. We sit there, the sinners, the fallen, the hypocrites and the lost. We sit there because we long to see His face. We know what we ought to do but also know how short we come. We listen, we learn, we pray, we hope. September 11th, we all remember. How do you forgive for such a tragic loss, for such a hateful thing?   Don't confuse forgiveness and justice. Justice is appropriate. Just like when we do something wrong, we are held accountable. We have to make it right. Because someone is forgiven doesn't mean we don't hold them accountable. We do and we should. Forgiveness is letting go of the anger and wrath. For wanting something better for that person or persons than they have given us. That is where the challenge comes, that is where true love comes from. Wanting that person to acknowledge their sin and make it right, for their salvation and the salvation of the whole world. How difficult!  Impossible even, except for with the Grace of God.  How do you forgive, or even consider forgiveness, for someone who murdered your sister? Left her like a animal, alone and hurt! How do you forgive someone who hurt a small child? An innocent little child full of wonder and trust. We humans have found many ways to hurt, traumatize and victimize one another. Such atrocities, How do find forgiveness? The word is so hard to say and hear, yet alone consider. The anger and wrath are right there. But this is what we are called to do, this is what love commands.  Christ beaten, spit upon, stripped of dignity, and nailed to a cross. He was truly human and felt every whip, felt every nail. He was in excruciating pain. He was innocent. He did nothing wrong. He dying words "Father forgive them, for they know not what they do". As he was dying, he prayed for those who hurt him. He forgave them and wanted more for them, for us than we gave Him.   There are incredible stories of forgiveness. St. Maria Goretti, on her deathbed forgave the man who tried to rape her and stabbed her. It took years for the man to repent. The repentant man finally begged her mother for forgiveness. At Maria's canonization in 1950, the man stood with her mother. Pope John Paul II after being shot, visited and forgave the man who tried to take his life. There are stories out of Rowanda of tremendous forgiveness. Strong, faith filled people trying to live their call and make the world better.  I can't even fathom the power and grace it took to forgive.  I pray for those graces. It is easier for me to forgive someone who hurt me than someone who hurt someone I love. Maybe that is true for most of us. I'm not sure.  God sometimes makes things so obvious. He makes it hard to ignore Him. I know he wants forgiveness in my heart. He wants me to let go of the anger, the hatred, the wrath. I know that He will help me and He will stand by me. I know all of this but still struggle. I know what I ought to do but don't know if I am strong enough. He knows I am strong enough. 

by Amy Bishop on Wednesday, August 31, 2011 at 5:17am
Caitlyn's Story

I wanted to put together all my "notes" and start from the beginning of Caitlyn's journery and share with everyone the amazing road we have travelled down and mostly the miracles that we have seen and how one little baby changed our lives forever. Please feel free to pass this along to anyone who has prayed or asked about us, or to anyone who just wants to hear a wonderful story of faith, hope, and miracles!!

Part One-Birth to ECMO surgery

May 25, 2011 - 8:06 a.m. Caitlyn Rae Bishop was born with a tiny cry. Her body was very blue/purple. But she was crying so i assumed she was fine. She layed on my chest for a few seconds then was taken away to the nursery. (at this time i still had no idea anything was wrong). It took another 20 mins or so to finish up in the operating room. When I was ready to go to recovery we came out of the OR doors and there i saw 10 people starring down at my daughter with a puzzled look on their face. Then my eyes met nathan's eyes and i knew something was wrong. After asking Nathan several times he explained to me that she was having a hard time breathing when she isn't stimulated. I sat in recovery which is across the hall from the nursery and i could see Caitlyns bed. I couldn't see her, just the bed. I saw a nurse close the curtain really fast and yelled for more help. My heart simple dropped to my feet. I think i was in shock. They came in and said she needed to be transfered to St. Louis Children's Hospital because her lungs aren't working. We called our parents and let them know what was going on. Once ARCH arrived with the Children's transport team it took 2 hours to get Caitlyn stable. She fought them for most of that time trying to get a breathing tube down her throat. That is when we were aware she is a fighter. I finally got moved to my "room" and waiting nervous as ever to see my daughter. The transport team brought her by on their way out but i couldn't see her because she was up so high and i had just had the c-section so i couldn't move to see. They quickly took her out of my room because my own alarms were going off. Nathan took off then to go meet Caitlyn at Children's. The Children's doctor that was on board said it would be a 7 min flight and they would call my cell phone when they arrive and get her inside. Then they left. About 10 mins later i just happened to look out my window and i didn't hear anything but i saw the helicopter taking my daughter. That memory is forever burned in my brain. When i see a helicopter I always think of that moment. I had called my family and ask that nobody come down. I felt i could handle it better when i didn't have people there. no idea why but i just felt that way. It was a very long night alone waiting to hear from Nathan or the Doctors. Everytime they called it was something new going on and i was so scared and felt so alone. I had Nathan send me a picture of her and the picture i got wasn't my little princess, it was a very sick baby with many wires and tubes and no skin showing due to the cool down process that they were doing because her brain was swollen. The next couple of days I worked on getting out of bed and walking to prepare myself for the trip to St. Louis. I had been kept up to date about Caitlyns condition by Nathan and the doctors. Finally Friday came and I was able to leave the hospital earlier than normal. My husband picked me up and took me to children's. That car ride there was painful for many reasons. Physically because of the surgery i just had 2 days ago and then emotionally because i knew i was about to get a good look at my daughter for the first time and I was very scared. Would I cry? Would I scream? Well when we got there we met with Dr. Inder (our favorite doctor) and i was in a wheelchair so she got down on her knees and explained to me what was going on and explained that Caitlyn was a mystery. When one of the top neurology doctor, in the top ranked 6th hospital tells you that, you fall apart. I was so scared and of course blamed myself. It could of only been my fault because i carried her for 9 months and i was what she was living on. I had to put on a protective scrub type clothes because they didn't know if caitlyn was carrying some type of diease. I walked in to see my sweet baby girl. small tears rolled down even though i tried holding them back as much as i could. Her beautiful black hair was covered completely by the EEG. She had a breathing tube and wires everywhere. She had Iv's in her legs, arms, head. Basically every body part. The next few weeks were up and down. We had some good days then quickly they turned bad. We were called to the hospital a couple of times and they said "you need to get down here now because she is getting worse very fast" They kept talking about this ECMO treatment because all the breathing machines just weren't enough for her. She was on a machine that gently vibrates her so she didn't get fluid built up in her lungs. But like many time Caitlyn bounced back and ECMO was off the table, no more talk of that. A few weeks later They had discovered something with Caitlyn's lungs wasn't right and they had started talking lung transplant. When i heard those words my heart literally fell to the floor. I felt like i had been shot right in the back. June 15, 2011 They asked to do a lung biopsy which we had thought wasn't anything major. Well with all her issues they had to make a large (for caitlyn's size) incision under her left armpit and they took a piece of her lung out and put in a chest tube to drain any air that might of gotten in while they were doing the surgery. We were told it is a risky surgery etc. and that she might not survive but she did. She did great. I was so proud of her all i wanted to do was hug her, but she was on minimal stimulation which means we can't rub her or talk loud and no holding. That night we went home and had matthew with us and tried to have a normal few hours. Then June 16, 2011 at 3:00 a.m. we got a phone call from the doctors at children's telling us that Caitlyn's heart rate was dropping and i honestly couldn't tell you what else they said. I was so tired from not having slept in a few days and i just couldn't remember what they said besides that they are going to call us back if something didn't work. 30 mins later we got a horrible phone call saying get down there now they are doing chest compressions on her and bagging her (which means cpr). I don't think i have ever moved so fast. We had to get matthew up and drop him off at my parents house then we flew down to stl and arrived 45 mins later. Dr Inder was already there. By then Caitlyn had bounced right back again. What happened was air somehow got in the chest tube or the chest tube failed and she developed a big air pocket which pushed her heart over and collapsed her right lung. She had gone into heart failure. We hung around that morning and it turned into night when Dr. Inder had came in with the results of the biopsy. She said it looked like adult lungs that have been exposed to agent orange in vietnam and blown up and put back together. Yikes! all that in a baby's lung. She said the cause was because of being on 100% oxygen since the day of birth. But that was needed at the time to keep her alive. Dr. Inder got down on her knees and explained to me that it was reversable but there was only one way to do that, and that was to place Cailtyn on ECMO for 2 weeks. We had the surgeon that had done cailtyn's biopsy come in and talk to us about ECMO. She told us that there is a huge risk of doing this surgery on caitlyn because of bleeding. Being on ECMO you are on a blood thinner and the biopsy she had just had was a risk, a big risk of bleeding. The surgeon also said that she had never had a patient come off ECMO successfully. She said that if it were her daughter she would not do it because caitlyn likely wouldn't survive the surgery and once she develops a brain bleed or a bleed anywhere else they are done and there is nothing to do to fix that. But without this surgery Caitlyn was going to die. We had a very hard decision as parents. We were confused and it showed. We had several nurses, social workers, etc. in the room with us but the most important person we had was Dr. Inder. She looked me in my eyes and said "Amy you know me, and you know i know your daughter better than anyone else here. She has us running out of options. Caitlyn is at the edge of a cliff ready to jump and we are trying everything to pull her back in. I know that she can survive this ECMO and I know it is her ONLY CHANCE to survive." After she said that I looked at the surgeron and said go ahead and do the surgery. I was so scared if i had made the right choice and if the choice i had made would kill her. I had seriously lost my mind for a few mins. all i could do was cry and say over and over this wasn't supposet to happen to her. she wasn't suppose to be sick. There were 2 great nurses inside the room at that time Lynn and Karen. They said to each other lets let mom hold her. I hadn't held caitlyn yet except in the OR room but only for a few seconds. With the breathing machine she was one it was not a good idea to hold her but they all thought she wouldn't come out of the surgery so they wanted to give me the chance to hold her alive. When they placed her in my arms i held her bed basically and it was heavy with all the tubes etc. Dr. Inder, Lynn, and Karen had all moved her to my arms and made sure her vitials were good and they walked out and shut our door which is all glass and they just stood there watching her monitor as i sat there holding her and telling her how proud her daddy and i were and how we would be waiting right here for her when she gets out of surgery. I remember telling her to be strong and to keep fighting because i would be right by her side fighting with her. I kissed her for what i was afraid that last time and told her how much she meant to me and how long i had wanted her.

They told us to call our parents and get them down there. As we were walking out of her room (because it was a bedside operation) the actual surgery that was going to preform the surgery said "i don't think this will work, but i'll do what i can" oh geez thats nice. So we went to wait in a sleep room then went downstairs to meet our families and by that time the nurses had called us that they were done with the surgery. Nobody said if she made it or not, so we went running to the NICU and running back to her room. There were tons of surgery crew around but nobody was smiling and nobody was saying anything. Finally we found Sandra one of our favorite docs that we had, had since day 1. and she gave us 2 thumbs up. Ahhhh my heart started to beat again. Soon after we were able to go in and see her. Her room had been taken up by the huge ECMO machine and her body layed there lifeless. no movement of breathing or of her heart beating. Thats all ECMO's job. It is a heart and lung bypass machine to give her body the ultimate rest. She had 2 huge tubes coming out of her little neck. the tubes were long and were filled with her blood. It was very scary to see. But we knew that had to be done to save her life.

I grew up on welfare. I grew up using food stamps and eating focus hope food. I still don't like King Vitamin cereal.  

It really bothers me when people say disparaging things about the welfare system. My mother, a single mom, never gave up trying. She was also trying to go back to work or back to school. Is she or her kids lazy? Absolutely not. We all work hard and try to improve our lives. 

I remember being treated like scum. In Detroit there were unfortunately a lot of folks on welfare, so I had a lot of friends also struggling. But there was still something embarrassing about using food stamps. We all knew that being on welfare made us somewhat unworthy. 

I am grateful for the New Deal. I don't think it damaged our country. It saved families like mine. There were times when I was hungry as a child. Thankfully not very often and not for very long. I would rather live in a country where people have access to assistance, then having kids go hungry. And we do have kids in this country going hungry. Everyone that gets help is one small victory. 

Are there people who take advantage of the system? Yes! Should there be rules and regulations to control that? Yes!  But I would rather one lowlife get through if it means more families could be helped. 

If those families that are struggling live in a environment with substandard schools and an overworked police system, the hope for improving their lives is more challenging. I want our government involved, I want serious action. I am willing to distribute the wealth, to give government more control. For me a balanced approach is necessary. More money from the government to help families get on their feet, more job training, and education opportunities. But I also like the idea of Emergency Financial Managers coming in and getting schools and cities back on track. If handled appropriately a balanced approach can make the difference. 

Take the billions of dollars in government subsidies that big oil companies get, while they make billions in profits, and put half of that in a system to offer education and job training to displaced workers and those receiving welfare. Big business likes unemployment, it keeps wages down if you have more looking for jobs. They are not interested in helping and having low unemployment. 

I see and hear things like "those people" drain our system. "They" need to get a job. How dare "they" have a cell phone, television, or nice clothes. If you live on welfare you should look and act like the substandard person you are. You should walk around in a potato sack with your head held down. You are not allowed one shred of dignity or anything nice. If this is how someone is supposed to feel, How are they ever supposed to feel worthy of a better life? 

We need to treat people with dignity, love and respect. Instead of assuming and judging, try to understand where that person is coming from, and how you or I could help improve their life. Yes we are our brothers keeper's. The success of Detroit is vital to the success of Ann Arbor and all of Michigan. The success of our fellow americans is vital to all of our success.

What if.....

It was the 1940's, you were a very young mexican woman with no rights whatsoever. You were living very modestly in Detroit with your husband. Surrounded by his family. But your family spoiled you growing up. You don't know how to keep a house or manage children. To make matters worse your husband's family hates you. They treat you horribly. Things are getting worse and worse. You are depressed. You try to leave, he finds you and brings you back. 

In the midst of this depression and horrible situation, you try to take your own life. You love your kids but don't know what to do. Finally you decide to leave, to save yourself. You will get yourself together then come back for the kids. He won't let you see them once you leave. Luckily your sister is caring for them while he is at work. You get to see them secretly.

He finds out and doesn't let your sister watch them anymore. Things are getting very bad. You decide to leave the state. Again once you get things together, you can come back for the kids. Right now if you take them you will all starve. You have nothing, no rights, no money, no where to live. 

You struggle to get back on your feet. To grow up and figure out what to do. The years go by. You know that they are growing up without you. The distance grows wider and deeper. This chasm is too great.

How do you feel? Do you forget about your children? Do you wonder about them? Do you know how bad it was for them? Did you completely move on? In the creation of your new family and life, do you ever think about your other family? 16 grandchildren, do you wonder about them? Or is it all to overwhelming. Was it easier to move on without thinking about it?

This is my interpretation. My thoughts based on stories I have heard. I try not to judge. I am not in the situation. I try to empathize. 

What if......

When the news reported that the counseling office of Michelle Bachmann's husband does gay-to-straight therapy, was I shocked? no. Was I appalled? not really  

Are you shocked? I told you, my most controversial blog yet. I try to be honest in my blog. I will try to be honest with this one. Do I have all the answers? no.  Am I still growing and learning? yes, I hope so.

 Two things I ask when you read this. One read the whole thing, if you completely disagree that is ok, just read it through. Two don't assume, don't read between the lines. My opinions are just that my opinions, what I think on a particular subject unsaid shouldn't be inferred.

Let me say at this point that anything in the realm of discrimination or hate crimes is wrong. No matter what the reason. I love and respect all. Whether you are gay, straight, atheist, christian etc........ I will stand by you, pray with you, work with you, eat with you, talk with you etc......I don't think anyone gay is looking to undermine society as some conservatives say. We all just want to be happy, understood and loved.

Om that note, let me jump right in.  I believe in the kinsey scale. It rates our sexual desires from 100% heterosexual to 100% homosexual. We all fall somewhere on the scale, with most being heterosexual. As such there are some who fall in the middle, bisexual. If you believe this, then it makes sense to say that some choose to be gay.  I know most don't want to discuss the choice of being gay. We are being led to believe that being gay is not a choice. Someone is either gay or straight. I don't think it is that cut and dry. I don't think absolutes fit. Yes some are gay and some are straight. Some are in the middle.

If someone chooses counseling to deal with same sex attraction through prayer and other resources, they should have the right. If you fall in the middle of the kinsey scale you can work towards the life you choose, whether gay or straight. I believe all things are possible with God. Do I think anyone gay should be shamed into this therapy? absolutely not. People need to make their own choices for their lives. If someone is gay and chooses a life devoted to God, again they should be allowed that choice. 

The whole nature vs nurture debate rages on here. Again absolutes wouldn't work. Our sexual desires, the way we express love and want to be loved, is part of who we are. Were we born a certain way or did we grow and learn to be this way? Or was it a combination of the two. We can, I believe, retrain our selves. The part of us that is learned can be altered, if desired.

Do we have the right to choose who we want to spend our time with or who we want be our partner? Within reason, yes. I would never tell two consenting adults who they can or can't spend time with. 

On the other hand I believe God created us male and female. That Marriage is a sacred vow between a man and a woman. That our physical structures were created by God to fit together in an intimate and spiritual union. That is why this union brings about life. I believe in the sanctity of marriage, in the proliferation of life. I believe marriage is created in the image of the Trinity. 

I also believe that obedience to something bigger than yourself is not something to be ashamed of. People that choose celibacy, people that choose to wait until marriage to be intimate, people that say yes to all created life in their marriage are all examples of obedience to God and His word. To give up oneself to serve the greater good. 
 
The media makes a mockery of obedience. We are led to believe that a life fulfilling our selfish desires is where happiness lies. We want immediate gratification. If it makes us feel good then it must be ok. A drug addict will say, when I use, it makes me feel good.

 As a parent I teach my kids, self sacrifice, discipline, love, and respect. I would never say, if it feels good then do it. I would say is it the right thing to do, is it the right choice.
I try to teach my kids to step out of yourself for the greater good. To know God and His love for all, no matter who you are. 

How this all balances out in the debate of same sex unions? I don't really know yet. Like I said I try to be honest. I don't have all the answers. 
If I were a in a beauty contest and my final question were about marriage, my answer would be "I believe marriage is a sacred vow between a man and a woman...." I guess that Perez guy would call me names and stuff. But to have honest open dialogue requires us to be honest and open.

I will continue to love and serve God. I know He will guide me to the right path. He will show me how to love my fellow man. How to serve the world for the greatest good.

Blessed be God forever.

Let me start by saying in some circles I am a liberal, in other circles I am a conservative. There are some in my family who think I am republican and there are some republicans I know that would scoff at that. I don't mind being somewhat in the middle, keeping people guessing. It really isn't a one or the other choice. You can be conservative on some issues and liberal on others. I will admit, in the interest of disclosure, that I lean more towards liberal. I will also say that I seriously considered McCain as a presidential candidate, once he chose Palin, I decided to vote a different way. I felt her experience and knowledge weren't adequate. I also considered voting for Snyder until he stated the need the repeal healthcare reform. I decided to vote another way. Again based on the issues not on party lines.

A few days ago I was scanning thru radio stations and it stopped on a religious conservative talk show. The host was relaying some horrible things that were said on the Bill Maher show. The panelist on the BM show said some incredibly inappropriate stuff about Michelle Bachmann and Santori(sp?). I totally understand the shock and his right to call them out. But then the radio host went on to say "this is what liberals are saying", "this is what the liberals are promoting". 

While I stated what was said on the Bill Maher show was horrendous, I think what the radio host said was also wrong. This is not what liberals are saying. This is what some panelists/comedians said trying to be funny and shocking. But please don't stir the pot more by saying all liberals think or talk like that. Whenever anyone speaks in absolutes it raises a red flag, you can't lump people together. That is stereotyping. Not only is it stereotyping it also creates a divisive and antagonistic environment. 

When I hear or see conservatives saying or doing something completely inappropriate like linking Obama to Hitler, or using the phrase lib-tard, I don't assume all conservatives think this way. I realize that some are just trying to shock and get attention.

We are not enemies. We are fellow Americans trying to make things better in this country. The liberals aren't trying to ruin this country. The conservatives are trying to ruin this country. This is where respect and compromise should come into play. If we can have conversations with respect and reach compromises then we will all be better off.

That doesn't seem to be the case for some. I have a hard time with anyone who states their sole goal is someone else's failure. I have heard Limbaugh and Rove say the goal is the failure of Barack Obama. If that is your goal then where is the desire for the common good. Where is the desire to make this country better and stronger.  Again this is creating a divisive and antagonistic environment. 

Again let me state that I don't believe the failure of this country is the goal of either party or person, Whether they call themselves liberal or conservative or independent or any other label.  

I respect your right to vote republican, can you respect my right to vote democrat. I recognize that the Michigan legislature's republicans were voted in by the people of this state. Can you recognize that President Obama was voted in by the people of the country. Both deserve our respect. 

God Bless America! God Bless us all! 

Ps.my next blog will be the most controversial thus far, am writing it now and will hopefully post it by Mon.

Did she do it? Did Casey kill Caylee? Will we ever know? I doubt it.

There are so many that assume she did it. Nancy whatsherface has used her show and pulpit to convict. Before there was even a trial. I don't watch her show and change the channel whenever she speaks. Didn't want to mention her here but had no other choice. The media has sensationalized and spun this story to convince us of her guilt. 

I keep thinking what a sad story. That poor little girl. That poor family. This whole situation is sad and disturbing. A young child taken from the world to soon and in such a tragic way. A family struggling with personal issues dragged into the living rooms of all, for ratings and entertainment. 

Will we ever know what happened to little Caylee?  So many unsolved murders, it is tragic. Especially when it involves children. How many unsolved missing persons? How does the media decide where to spotlight the attention? Where they feel will generate the most revenue. A case that can be sensationalized so that all will watch. 

Do you remember Elizabeth Smart? She held a press conference. She wanted to use her name and attention to spotlight another case. She went before the press with a photo and everything. The news got her story and cut out the rest. We never saw the story of the other case. The news channels didn't care. And we are going to believe them on the Anthony case?! 

I see the irony in this blog. My family has used the media to spotlight the attention on my sister, Rose Marie Woolwine's case. When the show was being filmed there were many misgivings. Nervousness about how they would handle the case. I do believe the media can be a useful tool for those missing and unsolved cases. Look at what America's most wanted was able to do. But sometimes this can be twisted and distorted. 

How courageous of the jury. Can you imagine how hard it must have been or is going to be for them? They did, what they felt was the right thing against all odds. The weighed the evidence and did their job. The didn't allow themselves to swayed by public opinion. I pray for their safety and their ability to get back to a normal life. 

Did Casey make bad decisions? That is obvious. Was she a liar? probably. Does that make her a killer? No. 

If she committed this heinous crime, she will face judgement. As we all will. We will stand before God, exposed for all we have done and chosen not to do. The good, the bad and the ugly. We will have to answer for what we have done in this life. 

As I consider all of this. I think about the man sitting in a Mexican jail. He is accused of killing my sister. I know in my heart that he took her from us. But I wasn't there and I don't what evidence they have to convict. I know justice for Rosie will be served. I know she is resting in peace. This is regardless of what happens in the courthouse.

Prayers for those who have tragically lost a dear loved one. May you and I find peace and comfort. 

http://www.missingkids.com
www.unsolvedcrimes.com
http://www.fbi.gov/wanted/kidnap