Can you see your own beauty?

This may probably be one of my most personal blogs yet. 

Please, I implore you to hold off the compliments, I am not writing this for that. You will understand when you read it. It is a normal reaction to want to say “no, that is not true, you are beautiful”. Before you do that read the whole thing and recognize the honesty on what is written. 

I don’t think I am ugly, not by any stretch of the imagination. I think I am normal looking just like most of you. There are those women who are very beautiful and recognize it. There are those women who are very beautiful and don’t or still struggle with self esteem issues. I strive to be a normal looking woman who doesn’t beat herself up or get to down on herself. I have made great strides. I can take a compliment and say thank you for the most part. I can be ok and confident in how I look for the most part. 

I went to lunch once with a friend, she is not a close friend but she is a friend. She is, to me, a very attractive woman. At the end of lunch she wanted to take a selfie of us for a project. We both groaned but got together and took a few photos. She handed me her phone and said “you pick, I can’t stand to look at pictures of me”. I too don’t like looking at pics of me but I picked the best I could. To be honest I mostly looked for the best one of her and made sure I didn’t have a my tongue out or anything ridiculous. I know honestly I am not the most photogenic person. That is just me being honest. 

When I look at myself in the mirror, I generally say “ok, not to bad”. But for some reason when I see pics of myself or even worse videos I get really disheartened. There are times when I want to crawl in bed and never leave. Or quit my job, become a gym rat and join every weight loss program possible. I have to pull myself out of that and recognize how crazy I am being. 

I tell myself “what would you say to your friend if they said that”. I literally look at myself in the mirror and say them. 

Why are we so hard on ourselves? I think women do this more but I don’t think we are the only ones. I think lots of men do as well. Why are constantly comparing ourselves to those who we perceive have it all together? Why do we think others are judging us? And if they are, why do we care so much?

We really can be quite mean to ourselves and to others, all based on looks. I don’t know the answer on how to change this. I know that pretty people, or should I say “people that have good symmetry and come across well in pictures” are pleasing to look at and it makes sense that they are used in commercial ad and such. But why should that make us feel bad about ourselves? Why is there so much ridiculous photo shopping to create the perfect image of a person? 

We say all the right words “everyone is beautiful, beauty comes from the inside out, beauty comes in all forms and sizes”. We all believe that to be true and we want media to promote that. But I am talking from a personal level, how do we believe it about ourselves. 

I know I can stand to lose weight, I know when I am being lazy about my appearance. I want to work on losing some weight and take better care of myself without beating myself up. 

Is this a struggle for you? What are your struggles? Can you be honest with yourself? Can you see your own beauty?

WOKE

“WOKE”

Are you? Am I? 

People use this word to mean enlightened to the plight of......”black people”, “women”, “gay people” etc....

Well America you are not “woke” as long as you allow, encourage, and even joke about the systematic elimination of a whole class or type of people. As long as you glorify and taut as acceptable and even applaud a country who practices genocide to get rid of people with Down syndrome. 

Instead of universal health care

Instead of accessible, affordable, reasonable adoption services

Instead of encouraging businesses to support working parents, especially single parents

Instead of encouraging universities to support students who are parents, esp single parents

Instead of seeing poor children with love and compassion, you see them as a burden

Instead of seeing a person with Down syndrome or any other disability, you see a burden

You look at them sideways and ask the horrific question 

“didn’t you know before you gave birth?’ 

America, supposedly the greatest country, you have nothing to offer women but abortion. You taut as some great choice, a progressive approach to the burden of being a mom. To the burden of children. Instead of honoring and glorifying that which gives life you have convinced many that children are burdens, especially if they are poor or have some disability that you determine isn’t worthy of life. You rip children from the womb and kill. You convince women its no big deal. 

But it is!!

This is not about politics or this party or that. We are all a culprit to where we are now. We are all culpable in the way we treat our children, our poor, our women, our single parents, and our persons with disabilities.

America has never been great to these people and so can’t possibly be great again. 

Imagine if we create a test to determine if a child will be gay and parents started aborted those children would you be ok with that? Imagine we decided that men were the root of evil and began aborting male babies, would you be ok with that? I know you are going to say I am being extreme, but am I really? Where is the line? Where is your line? Where is my line? Who determines that line? The current political party in charge, the previous political party, or any political party? Parents? The parents weren’t allowed to chose in the Alfie case or the Charlie Gard case. The government stepped in, is that what we want? Not me!

Women, persons with disabilities, minorities, single parents, babies and poor children deserve better and demand better. We are better than this. We can be better but its starts now. 

"Sitting On My Hands"

I haven’t written in a while but I have been thinking about it a lot. So here goes another restart.

It has been to long, 2 yrs!! Wow!!!

I may not advertise this one, I mostly write for myself anyway. If you are reading this Thanks!!

I have been thinking about where I am in my life right now. I am well into a mid life crisis, well maybe not crisis, but definitely a mid life something. The thought or words that keep popping into my head are “I am not sitting on my hands anymore” As with all analogies this one will be weak but let me try and explain anyways.

As most people know I had a rough childhood. It was crazy, it was dysfunctional to say the least. So I decided that I wanted a straight square life of my own. I married an amazing man that was perfect for that. Not that he is a square(using the old slang for someone boring), he is far from boring but he does like a nice square life. And that is beautiful, he has always known what he wanted and how to make it happen for that most part. 

I, on the other hand, had no idea what a square life looked like. I decided to do everything I could do give my kids a square, secure life. So I sat on my hands, I surrounded myself with wonderful people who also lived on the straight and narrow. It was the whole ‘fake it till you make it kind’ of thing. Steve and I decided that I would be a stay at home mom for the kids. I wasn’t a very good stay at home mom. My kids ate too much junk food, watched too much tv and played too many video games. They didn’t do arts & crafts or go on field trips with me. 

But, I was there with love and all I could offer. Steve and I chose not to be partying drinking parents. Again the straight and narrow life. I have no complaints about that. It was what we wanted and what I needed. 

Now about 30 yrs later I am done sitting on my hands. I am a mix of that child who grew up in the ghetto of Detroit and that square straight stay at home mom. I love who I am and I love letting my hair down to enjoy all this world has to offer. 

Again, as most of you know, I am a religious person and I will not go totally crazy and let this world take that away from me. As I venture out to enjoy; my eyes and my heart are fixed on Christ and my prayer is always let me enjoy this time but save me from myself and the dangers of the world full of lust, greed, gluttony etc.... 

I drink, I dance, I go out late(past midnight even :0). One of my favorite things is to be on dance floor with a little buzz and bass pounding music and just completely lose myself. So if you see me please come and enjoy the dance. I will do things and dress in things and say things that many may say “can you believe that, its crazy, she must have forgot that she is over 50 now”. 

I will not live by other people’s rules. I will live by my rules, I will not do anything that God or my husband will not want, out of respect and love. I will not embarrass my kids now or ever,

 well maybe a little embarrassment will remind them that I am more that just their mother, lol!

Right now I want to enjoy every moment, every aspect of where my life is. Whether that is hanging out with my grandsons or my kids, going to church or with Steve to Florida or with Lisa on a road trip or with Maria at a concert. Exploring the world, enjoying every moment to the fullest. 

Wherever the road leads!!!

Come along for the ride if you want an adventure.

Much love and blessings to all!!!