This blog is in two parts. Today was an important day for two reasons. As you all know it was Father's Day and  22 yrs ago on fathers day my sister body was found. 
Both events are significant somewhat obviously.

Let me start with Father's Day. First of all, I grew up without a Father. So what is a Father? This was something I had to learn as an adult. I knew the images of what a father should be and I had dreams of having a real father. 
My father and mother divorced when I was a baby. I never knew my dad, I met him once when I was 13 or 14. He died shortly after that. 
As an adult, I have been extremely lucky to have some great men in my life. Starting with Steve. Watching him with our kids is truly inspiring. He is such a great dad.  I don't think my kids realize how lucky they are. There was always a sense of melancholy watching him because I never had that. On the other hand, as I developed a personal relationship with Jesus, I found another more perfect Father. At that point, I truly felt the love of a Father. I know that sounds cliche, for me it is real.
As I grew in my faith I also began to realize there are lots of good men. Good fathers and good men who teach us, guide us, protect us and love us. Some are fathers in the biological or family sense. Some are men who love those around them, like Priests, Ministers, Doctors, Teachers etc....  
St Joseph and his story came to mind as one of these men. He loved God and he loved Mary. He was willing to give up his life and do what was needed for this young pregnant woman. Joseph quietly protected them, raised Jesus with true love and devotion. 
St Joseph has become my patron saint. I often ask him to pray for the needs of me and my family. Through the intercession of St Joseph, I have forgiven my father. I know that he struggled with his own demons. If given the choice I know he would also have wanted to be a real family. He didn't know how. I pray that he has found peace and rest in the arms of Christ. 

On to a sadder note, today I remember that fateful day 22yrs ago. 
Steve and I standing in his dad's driveway loading the car to leave after celebrating Father's Day. I was so worried about Rosie, who had been missing since Tues. Steve said "when she turns up you are going to be so mad at her for worrying you like this."  I had so hoped he was right.

Later that night, we were sitting on the couch watching the news. A story came on about a young woman, a teenager, found dead in an apartment on Toledo and Junction. Just after the story finished the phone rang. It was someone who knew my sister was missing, asking if I had seen the story. I said yes, but it was a teenager. The phone rang again right after that call. This time the world stopped. It was my brother, Jimmy, asking if I had seen the news. I told him it was a teenager, couldn't be Rosie. Jimmy said "the apartment they showed was Juan's house". I felt a hole open and I fell in. Him and my mom were going the police station because they couldn't get any answers on the phone. So we waited. I begged, I pleaded and I bargained as I waited.  I don't remember what time the call came, I don't even remember who it was. I just remember crumbling on the couch in tears. "Are you sure?" "They said it was a teenager" "Are you sure?" 

Danny was turning 4 in a few days and Mandy was 2. Steve sent them somewhere, not sure where. We went to my mom's house. I remember just sitting on the couch and crying. Every time the phone would ring, every time someone would stop by, every time my mom would say "It was Rosie" "Rosie's dead" tears, tears and more tears. Ruthie stormed in and was hysterical. "No Becky, tell me he didn't do this to her, not Rosie, not Rosie!!!!" More tears. 

There was activity, funeral plans, obituaries and notifications happening. I did none of it. I just cried as things were happening. I was no help for anyone, not even my kids. To this day I don't know who made everything happen, I guess my mom and Jimmy. 

It is weird how I remember somethings so vividly and others nothing. I remember, a day or days later, sitting in the car outside of a drug store on the way to the funeral. I had a dress on. Steve ran in to get something for me, I don't know what. But I was looking around at the people on the street, just going about their daily life. I wanted to get out of the car and yell at them all. "DON'T YOU KNOW, DON'T YOU REALIZE, ROSIE IS GONE. HOW CAN YOU JUST GO ON LIKE NOTHING111111"

It is still so painful to remember. It still hurts as much. Time doesn't heal, but it does make you sane again to live. I still miss her very much. Rest in Pease Rose Marie Woolwine!!