Step out on faith

For those who have taken of leap of faith.....
For those who want to step out on faith.....
For those who wonder....

Our self-esteem, or at least mine, is tenuous at best. Sometimes I feel like I can conquer the world and I have it all together. Other times I feel I can't do anything right

As I am committing to and refocusing on writing this blog, I wonder how my self-esteem will handle it. I want it to be accepted and for people to take something from it. I certainly don't want it to be an epic failure. I am doing this as part of a discernment process for my life, how to live out and use the gifts from God to serve Him and make the world better.

I am trying through prayer and openness to write from the heart. I don't want it to be about me. I want it to be God driven. I was thinking about this at church this morning.

If the blog isn't one of my charisms that's ok. But again my self-esteem may not be able to handle an epic fail. I would rather not discover that I am a bad writer or fail to make a point or am just plain boring. I also don't want it to be hugely, ridiculously successful to the point that I would be tempted to make it all about me. In both cases my pride would take over and it would be about me rather than this blog. I need to rely on God, step out on faith and see what happens. I know that He will see me through this to the desired end.

I am trying to share some of the thoughts I have on different subjects and things that have happened to me that I feel some of you go through as well. But these are just my thoughts and opinions. I am certainly not the most formally educated person. I have an associate’s degree that took me 10 years to complete. Not because the material was too hard but because I was raising my kids. I have lived on the planet for 48 years, I am somewhat well read, and try to think things through based on life experiences. The only life I can experience is my own, but that is enough.

Most of the things I have said are not new thoughts or new ideas. They are old thoughts and old ideas just told from my perspective. Some of them are the beliefs I strive to live, some of them are ideas we have forgotten or misplaced so to speak.

A lot of the ideas come from music. I am a lyrical person, some song lyrics (even cheesy ones) can really spark thoughts and ideas. Don't get me wrong, a good dance number is awesome, especially when dancing or cleaning the house. But sometimes, sometimes I stumble onto song lyrics that fit what I am currently thinking about or going through. It is in these moments I know that God is singing to me. This has happened more times than I could talk about.

Other thoughts come from listening or trying to hear what someone is saying. Sometimes it is a simple line in a Facebook post, a homily during mass, during a conversation with someone, or something said on television. I truly don't know when something will light the fire and create a train of thought. That steam engine is driven by God.

I do enjoy writing these and am open to honest feedback. Please feel free to share.

Unconditional Love

For those discerning charisms and working towards a more Holy existence......

For those struggling with life and love............

For those who have ever felt unloved or unlovable........

For those whose hearts are broken...........

For those who want to feel true literal unconditional love........

God loves us unconditionally. We have all heard this but have we really reflected on it? Take a moment and let that sink in: GOD LOVES US UNCONDITIONALLY, Literally. 

No matter who you are, no matter what you have done, no matter where you live, no matter your last name, no matter your gender, no matter.........

UNCONDITIONALLY!!

We all love. We love our parents, siblings, spouses, friends, relatives and others. We fall in and out of love. We love someone, then see behind the curtain so to speak, of who they truly are, their demons, their vices, their pasts and we struggle to come to terms with it. Sometimes, we fall out of love.

Not God, not Jesus. He sat down with sinners. He spoke to the Samaritan woman at the well. He invited the simple fisherman and the tax collector to be his apostles. He converted a persecutor of Christians to be his apostle. 

His unconditional love knows no bounds. Did Paul go to prison for his persecutions? Did Christ turn Peter away for denying Him three times? Did Thomas get reprimanded for doubting? Did the Samaritan woman at the well get scoffed at or shunned? 

Mary Magdalen was known as a great sinner. She threw herself at Jesus' feet and washed his feet with her hair and anointed Him with oils. Did he rebuke her? Did her turn her away as others mumbled?

Unconditional love. We all have pasts. We have our lives right now. There are things that make us feel unlovable. We struggle with Internal Demons. How God can love me when I keep making the same mistakes over and over? When I say I am going to stop but don't? None of that matters when it comes to His unconditional love. If you turn to Him, if you open your heart and just ponder the name, "Jesus, Jesus", you will feel it. 

Unconditional love. We can't comprehend it, we can't live it without God's help. We are called to unconditional love. We should practice it. We all have things that would make us turn to anger, to shun, to persecute, to get even. Our pride takes over and we want to be right. Our pride takes over and we want our justice, not God's justice, not what's right for those around us. 

Our pride and this world tells us to fight for what is ours. If someone tries to take it then we defend ourselves. We put up our walls, our defenses. We arm ourselves. We don't look to Jesus who told Peter "put down that sword". Who went to His death with true love and obedience. Who trusted in His Father's plan. Who on His cross said "Father forgive them for they know not what they do". 

Let us look to God. Let us open our hearts to His true unconditional love for us and those around us. Let us throw ourselves at His feet. Let us place our broken hearts at the foot of His cross. Let us be in His presence and feel His all powerful love. Let it pour into our very being.

Holy Spirit

For those who question....

For those who doubt....

For those who wonder.....

For those who seek.....

Who is Jesus? Did he really exist? Is what we know the truth?

These are the hard questions. I have struggled to answer them and have never found an accurate way. Jesus has always been at work in my life. What I have discovered is; I can't answer these questions for someone else they have to answer them for themselves. 

Paul says in 1st Corinthians Ch 12 verse 3.  

'Therefore, I tell you that nobody speaking by the spirit of God says, “Jesus be accursed.” And no one can say, “Jesus is Lord,” except by the holy Spirit.'

As I reflect on this verse and recall the story of Pentecost in John ch. 20, verse 19-23, I realize the Holy Spirit, the third person of the Trinity, is the key. It is with the guidance of the Holy Spirit that we know Jesus. The Holy Spirit guided the apostles from their sanctuary and led them to proclaim Christ to the world. This was birthday of the Christian church, this was before the Bible was canonized, this was the beginning.

If no one can say "Jesus is Lord" except by the Holy Spirit. Then we need to let the Holy Spirit guide us to Jesus. How do we do this? The easiest way is by asking for the intercession of the Holy Spirit in our lives through prayer.  We have to find a way to cherish and encourage some silence in our lives. It is difficult and challenging to hear God if we fill our lives with noise. For example, I am sitting in Church and a beautiful young family is sitting behind me. As with most young children they are noisy. That is who they are and it's really no big deal. But as I was listening to the readings, it was challenging to focus on what was being said and not on the rustling of children. This is a great analogy for our lives. If we are always focused on the noise of the life around us, then we can't hear. 

Furthermore, we need to ask the Holy Spirit to come into our lives. I understand if you don't know if you believe in the Holy Spirit, why would you ask it anything? I would contend, what have you got to lose? If there is nothing there then nothing will happen, if there is something there then you will know.

Some call this Pascal's wager, in its simplest form. 

Holy Spirit prayers range from short to long. When or how you pray is personal and varied. One of my favorite prayers "Come Holy Spirit", simple and to the point. 

A longer version; 

Come Holy Spirit, open my mind and my heart.

Enlighten me, apply your Word to my life and use it to transform me.

Make me a good listener.

Draw me closer to You my God.

Amen.

There are many others. A prayer is a personal thing and you could make up your own words. The key is to take a quiet moment and ask the Holy Spirit to come into your life. Whether that moment be a minute or 10 minutes. Start there, see what happens. If nothing, then you go on with your life and never look back. If something, then you go on with your life with a new perspective.

ps. this is a even longer version.

Come, Holy Spirit, fill my heart with your holy gifts. 

Let my weakness be penetrated with your strength this very day that I may fulfill the duties of my state in life conscientiously, that I may do what is right and just. 

Let my charity be such as to offend no one and hurt no one's feelings; so generous as to pardon sincerely any wrong done to me. 

Assist me in all the trials of life, enlighten me in my ignorance, advise me in my doubts, strengthen my weakness, help me in all needs and embarrassment, protect me in temptations and console me in all afflictions. 

Graciously hear me, O Holy Spirit, and pour your light into my heart, my soul and my mind. 

Assist me to live a holy life and to grow in goodness and grace.  Amen 

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Week 1982, Western High School Detroit. 

The Ethnic Club was having a secret admirer event. For 50 cents you get to be a secret admirer and get a secret admirer. I couldn't tell you who my secret admirer was, but I can tell who I admired secretly. I reached into the box and drew the name "Steve Silva". I didn't know who that was. My good friend Lisa knew him. She said "Oh! He is a really nice guy with beautiful green eyes."  I had lots of fun that week, sending secret gits and cards. At the end of the week was a dance. I was so shy, when Steve asked me to dance, I said no. He felt dejected but I really liked him but was to scared. 

Steve and I became great friends with a great group of people. A year later we began dating.

Jump ahead to Valentine's Day 1997. Our youngest son, Alex, is born. My greatest Valentine's gift ever. 

So now as Valentine's Day is here again, we are looking at more changes in life. Our youngest is 17!!! We are taking him to visit colleges and thinking about him leaving the nest. Our oldest, after moving out 10years ago for college, is moving back to Michigan. While he is not moving back home, he and his new wife will be close enough to see regularly. Maybe, maybe grandchildren!!!!  Eventhough I am to young to be a grandma, I would love having a baby around. 

Steve and I have had our struggles, challenges, trials and tribulations. We recently had the opportunity to attend a World Marriage Day dinner/dance. We had an awesome time and truly love being together. I feel so blessed to have such a great man and 4 beautiful children in my life. 

Happy Early Valentine's Day. You don't need to buy expensive gifts or gushy cards or even be in a serious relationship to show some love that day. Just spread love to those around you, appreciate those in your life and find your joy!!!

Happy New Year!!

I am sitting here in my family room watching the snow fall. It is quiet, It is 2014. To some it is just another day. To others it is fresh start a new beginning. Time to look back and forward, to make changes. Statistically New Years resolutions don't stick. But that's ok. We should never stop trying to be better, to make our lives better, to make ourselves better. 

I don't believe in the saying "you can't teach an old dog new tricks". You can always, no matter your age, change and improve. Introspection, examination of conciensce, a look at where your life is now and where you want it to be is always a good thing. We have to be open and honest with ourselves and with those around us. We have to hear what others are saying and say what we need to say. 

My resolution is simple. More Jesus and less Pam. I want to pray more, read the gospels and just be in His presence more. That is where true unconditional love is. That is where peace and joy are. 

What are your resolutions? Are you prepared for making a change? Change is hard, habits are easy. You will fall. We all do. The key is to get back up and start again. That is where the hard part comes in. It hurts to fall both mentally and sometimes physically. To get back up and start again when there is a possibility of falling again...that is where we decide to make this change or give up. That is where the "rubber hits the road" so to speak. 

To make a change, a serious change. We need to set S.M.A.R.T. goals. 

Specific - I will exercise 3x a week. Instead I will exercise more. 

Measurable - 3x a week.

Attainable - I will lose 1lb a week. Something you can reach for and be successful at. 

Realistic - I will lose 1lb a week, instead of I will lose 50lbs in 8wks. 

Time-based - Something not open ended. In one week I will have lost 1lb. Then another week. 

We also have to give ourselves room to fail. Ok I didn't lose 1lb this week, I fell off the wagon. Let me get back on a start again. Relish the small victories. I lost 3lbs overall and I gained 1lb. That is a net gain of 2lbs. Or I did my walks everyday and I feel really good. Who cares if the scale didn't move this time. Let me look at the other factors(diet, hormones etc..) and see what I can adjust. 

So my SMART goal;

Specific - I will read one Chapter of John every week. Then Mark, Matthew, Luke and Acts. 

Measurable - 1 Ch every week, My weeks will run Sun. to Sat.

Attainable - I should be able to eek out sometime to read one chapter during the week. 

Realistic - I have a bible, I have time(like instead of facebooking I can read first)

Time-based- So every Sunday I will asses whether I read my chapter the following week and reasses or start over. 

As we begin 2014, I pray that each of you find peace, love and joy. I pray that this year brings health to those struggling, brings peace to those conflicted, brings joy to those saddened, and love to the world around us. God Bless you and your families. 

I actually am ok with who I am these days. Am I perfect? Absolutely not! I am so far from where God wants me to be.... Thank God his mercy is immeasurable and His love unconditional. I will continue to work to be a better version of me, the me, He envisions.

What I mean is my life is pretty good and so am I. There are struggles and challenges in this life. I have it worse than some and better than a lot of others. Depends on what you are measuring. I don't have much if any expendable cash, I don't have money for big fancy trips, my bathroom towels don't all match or have a "theme". Right now we are trying to get our finances together and have some big challenges there. Steve and I struggle to agree on things, we each have our own visions on what our life should look like. I have worries about my kids, as any mom would. 

Steve and I try to communicate and make things better daily. We are committed to our marriage and making it work. Our kids are good kids, they have jobs and lives and are figuring things out. 

I guess after living through some really tough stuff, most of it as child, you look at life a little differently. It's like living through a hurricane and being ok with rain storms sometimes. 

Regrets, anger, and dwelling on the past can derail your happiness in the future. Looking at your life choices and trying to improve is always a good thing. But dwelling on what happened and why, holding on to anger and resentment, saying "I should have" over and over can stop progress. 

I am a weirdly empathetic and optimistic person. I make no apologies for that. I try to put myself in others shoes. I believe most people are good and want things better. We just get all caught up in our own selfishness and pride. God has given us the grace of forgiveness and love. We need to use it more. There are amazing stories of forgiveness out there. People put through the worst atrocities imaginable and come through and still find forgiveness. Christ was hanging on the cross, bloody and beaten. He asked God to forgive those that had done this. Wow!!! 

Forgiveness is a grace from God, it is so powerful. Even forgiving ourselves can be tremendous. Forgiving others is probably the greatest challenge most of will face. Thank God he is there for us.

I have had more than one person get mad at me for my philosophies. People want me to be mad and take serious my past bad choices. Believe me I do. I just choose not beat myself up about it. I work on forgiveness and understanding. 

I guess it all boils down to LOVE. Do we love our neighbors, our antagonist, our enemies? Can we disagree and still love? Do we even try or do we let our pride, our desire to be right no matter what, steer us. 

Luke 9:23-24

"Then he said to everyone: “If anyone is willing to come after me: let him deny himself, and take up his cross every day, and follow me. For whoever will have saved his life, will lose it. Yet whoever will have lost his life for my sake, will save it."

Imagine for a moment we were able to choose our cross...

So..you are standing in a room with Christ. There are numerous crosses in here. They vary in size, weight and style. Some are very pretty, some very ugly, some heavy, some light etc....

Every cross in the room is for someone you know to carry, family member, child, friend or foe, from young to old.  But you can only choose your own, you can't control who else gets what cross. 

You ponder for a moment what to do. As you look around; do you chose the heaviest in the hopes of sparing someone you love? Do you chose a middle of the road one so you don't look totally selfish choosing a light one, but are worried you can't handle the heavier ones? Are you worried about what those you love will have to carry? Are you picking the big heavy ugly ones in your mind for your enemies? 

Finally.... you chose a different option. 

You turn to Christ, get on your knees and close your eyes. You use your faith and love of Christ to allow him to chose. He is the Almighty and knows what is best for you. As he puts the cross on your back you feel the weight. It feels too heavy. Can you stand with it? Is it to much? Again you have to draw on your faith in Christ and stand. It is heavy. It is not easy but you do it. Keeping your eyes on Him and drawing strength from Him. 

You begin to walk, you stumble but you get back up. You open your eyes and there are people all around struggling with their crosses. Some of them you know, some are complete strangers. You see someone stumble, for a moment you forget about your cross and help them up. As you do your cross gets lighter. You turn and see someone is helping you. And this goes on and on. Every time someone helps you, you see Christ in them and know that he is there. Every time you help someone you see Christ.

We all walk this life alone and together. We all have our crosses to bear. Some heavy, some light, some ugly, some beautiful. We don't see other people crosses, we know that we and those around us struggle and stumble. Do we reach out for help when needed? Do we reach out to help when needed? Do we forgive, even our worst enemies? Not only making our cross lighter but theirs as well.