Meeting God on His terms

Meeting God on my terms not His.

Today my scripture reading was Luke 23:32-43, Crucifixion of Christ. This part of the Gospels always moves me. Always makes me think.

First, here was this man, beautiful, smart, loving man. He did no wrong, But our pride, our sins, caused him to be put on the cross. To die the death of criminals. What is his response? Does he curse those that put him to death? Does he curse God for bringing him to this place of suffering? Does he say "woe is me"?

No, he says "Father forgive them for they know not what they do!" He asks for our forgiveness. For man's forgiveness. That is the ultimate love. 

Then we go to the criminals. Here is where I think about meeting God on my terms not his. There are two criminals crucified with Christ. 

One reviles him. This one says "if you are the Messiah save yourself and us". This is what I do, what we do. If you are God prove it. Show yourself. Make some miracle happen. Prove to me that I should believe. 

The other one says. "Have you no fear of God, for you are subject to the same condemnation? And Indeed, we have been condemned justly, for the sentence we received corresponds to our crimes, but this man has done nothing criminal" Then he said "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom." (Luke 23:40-42)

This second man meets God on God's terms. He acknowledges God, he acknowledges his sin, he asks for forgiveness. He doesn't do it because he wants something. He does it because he believes. 

I want things to be a certain way in my life. I have my own ideas on how I want to live. I have my own thoughts on what I want for those around me, those I love. I have a tendency to be like the first man. God show yourself. God perform this miracle, please. 

I strive to be more like the second. I have sinned against you Lord, I have not loved this world and those around me as I should. I love you Lord, lead my life, guide my life, so I can emulate your love for the world. Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom. 

Me, God and the world

God and I are good. It is me and the world that I worry about.

God knows what is in my heart. God knows everything. I have laid it all out for Him, even though I didn't need to, I did for me. I have taken my heart, with its scars and all, before Him.

As I have said before, my childhood was rough. Rough to say the least. I don't go into the gory details because there is no point. 

As I have struggled to grow up. Struggled to learn how to be a mother, wife, sister and friend. As I have been tempted, I have always kept my eyes on God. I have always struggled to make the right choices. I have created, with God and Steve, to make a good, safe, steady life. 

Believe me there were times when I struggled with the right choices. When I wondered about my life and what I wanted. Not what my husband, not my kids, but what I wanted. There are still times when I do that. Again, I keep my eyes focused on God. I lay it all out for Him. I ask Him to settle my heart and guide me in his will. These are not just words, this is truly what I do. 

I think about Eve in the garden. How good and juicy that apple looked and felt in her hands. How the words of the serpent playing in her ears. Take a bite, it will be good, you will be happier. That is what the evil one does. He is not this big powerful thing, like in the movies. He has no power except what we give him. He just talks in our ear. Do what you want. God just wants you to be happy. It will feel good. You have to worry about yourself. If they loved you, they would let you be. God is not here, just you and the apple. etc....

I have strived, by God's grace. To not bite the apple. I have made some mistakes. Big ones and small ones. I have always looked to God for guidance, mercy and forgiveness. 

That is why I say God and I are good. But, He wants more from me.

I have created this isolated perfect little world. I needed to for me, for my marriage, for my family. Not so specifically isolated, more insulated I guess. 

But I feel like, in creating this world, I left some behind. I didn't bring anyone from my childhood with me. I left others to be hurt, I left others to twist and turn in the world. I wasn't strong enough or in a good place enough to help. I carry that guilt with me. 

I married Steve, I created a beautiful wonderful blessed life. The struggles I have right now, the worries I carry are good worries, good struggles. What will happen today, tomorrow, next week, next month? I don't know. I know how bad things can be or get. I have been there, done that. I know with God and Steve, I can get through anything.

But how do give back? How do share with world? How do make things right with those I left behind? 

God has given me peace. God has given me the ability to forgive. God has given me good men in my life. God has given me a heart to love, a brain to think, hands to work, and feet to move.

It is good to be in a place where I feel strong enough, where I feel loved, where I feel safe and secure. Then I can struggle with how to give back. 

To anyone reading this; know that I love you, God Loves you. 

The front pew

I sit in the front pew...... not because I am trying to be seen

I sit in the front pew...... because nobody sits there

I sit in the front pew...... because I want to be a part of mass

I sit in the front pew...... because I get distracted easily and want to focus

I sit in the pew..... because the least I can give God is one hour

I sit in the pew..... because I need God's glory in my life

I sit in the pew..... as a sinner in need of God's love

I sit in the pew..... to feel God's mercy

I kneel in the pew..... out of reverence for God

I kneel in the pew..... to pray 

I kneel in the pew..... to worship

I kneel in the pew..... because I love God

I receive..... because Jesus said "Do this in remembrance of me" Lk 22:19

I receive..... because Jesus said "My flesh is true food, My blood is true drink" Jn 6:48-58

I receive.... because Jesus has the words of eternal life Jn 6:67-69

I receive.... because I want an intimate relationship with God

I came thru the desert

I saw the bad

I lived in the bad

I love the good

I cultivate the good

I live in the good

Triumph

"If you don't transform your pain, you will transfer it"

Heard this on the radio, not sure where the quote came from but it rings true.

Many of us, probably all of us, have pain. Some have dealt with severe trauma. How can we heal? How can we not let this ruin our lives? How do we take the power back and live a joyful life?

For each of us the path is different. For each of us finding a way to heal is different. There is no right or wrong. There is no perfect plan, that if you do x y and z then your will be good. 

I believe, I know, that Christ is the perfect healer. He is the x y and z. If you turn to Him, if you trust in Him, if you allow His grace to show you how to transform your pain. 

The path He leads you to will be different from the path He has taken me. And your path will be different from others. But it is a path to healing, love and joy.

If we allow our pain to fester, if we wallow and live in that pain, it will eat us up. It will burn so hot that we have to transfer it. Instead of giving love and joy, we will be giving more pain, grief and sadness. Anger, hatred, and revenge are not paths to healing, they are paths of transfer. To take your pain and share it, to make others hurt as you are hurting. Time and again these are shown to only ignite your pain, to make your pain stronger as if you are feeding it. 

This is not to say we should allow ourselves to be hurt, that we should not seek justice. 

If someone does evil than they should have consequences. But for what point. For revenge, for getting even, for hatred, to satisfy our own anger. Or to hopefully protect others, to make the person who committed the evil to recognize what they have done, to hopefully give them a chance to repent. Maybe our current society, our current trend, doesn't support this idea. Society seems to say, "if you have done something against another, your are evil, you should be locked away and they key thrown away".  "You are not worthy or capable of change"

Pretty soon, and we are getting to that point, we will just be a country full of prisons and prisoners. A country that is more focused on revenge and anger, then repentance, healing and creating a better society.

I have made some mistakes in my life. How bad? It's all relative. I am grateful that my God offers mercy and forgiveness. A chance for me to make it right and find the right path again.

Christ was innocent, he committed no crime. He was persecuted and executed. He took that pain and transformed into our salvation. "I will never know how much it cost, to take my sins upon that cross" He took my sins with him unto the cross. He offered me forgiveness and salvation upon that cross. 

This past Sunday we celebrated the Triumph of the cross. It is a triumph. 

Christ, the ultimate transformer, made his death our triumph. 

Theology by Steve Silva

Some of my family and friends struggle with organized religion. This is partly to do with the fact that they say there are “all these rules to follow”. In my view there are no “rules”. What we hear in church is simply an accounting of how others in the past, through the Grace of God, have come to understand what it means to live in service of God. After all, that seems to be the point, living in the service of God.

There is one God who is the Creator of all. He is more like a mind than anything else we can really understand. But He is more than just the Creator. He created us and loves us and wants us to freely love Him in return

If my premise is correct, that there is only one God who is creator and lover of humanity, then how ought we respond to that reality?

I am often concerned when I hear things like “the universe thinks...” or “the universe has to stay in balance” or “karma”. I am concerned when I hear of people using tarot cards or believing in good luck and bad luck. I am concerned when people believe in superstitions like astrology, Friday the 13th, walking under a ladder and so on. In short, I am concerned when people attribute power to things other than God. For if my premise is correct then there is no power other than God.

In the concrete that does not mean one cannot get value from “spiritual writings” and “nice sayings”. It does mean that those things are subordinate the service of God. If something just serves us then it is probably misguided. If the power of God is dismissed then it is probably misguided. However, if it guides us to God and the service of God then it is probably on the right track.

It does not mean that Angels don’t exist. It does not mean that Mary did not appear to Juan Diego in Mexico City centuries ago. But it does mean that Mary did not present herself and Angels did not bring themselves. Rather Mary and the Angel Gabriel and others throughout the Judeo-Christian tradition appeared to us through the power of God. There is no power except God.

I say all this because I am very concerned about the slipping from faith in God to “nice sayings” and superstitions. I have a monotheistic theology and am concerned that such things serve largely to belittle and lower the value of God in our lives. It seems that some of these phrases suggest that god is cool and karma is cool and so on, lowering the one true God to a level where He can be forgotten about or rationalized away when He conflicts with what we want to do right now.

Any true spirituality must start with the reality that your spirit was given to you by God and he wants that spirit to lead you into a full, loving relationship with Him.

The Decisions I Make

For those who are people pleasers......

For those who struggle with decisions.....

For those who are in relationships......

The decisions I make affect those with whom I share my life. That is a fact that never escapes my mind. I am a people person, I have stated that before. It is a challenge for me when making a decision to filter out my desire to make everyone happy. Especially when I feel I am being pulled in opposite directions. 

I know I need to make the best decision for me. But I am a part of a sum. Does that make sense?

I am a people person and my relationships are my priority. My family is who I am. The fact that I weigh what is best for my relationship with Steve, weigh what is best for my household, weigh what is best for my kids, is a valid point. I am not a selfish person. I also know that if I am happy and fulfilled then I am more apt to serve God. I know that if I am happy and fulfilled then I am a better wife. I know that if I am happy and fulfilled I am a better mother. I am a better friend, sister, aunt etc........

I try to take into account all of this when making a decision. That is a lot and I sometimes feel overwhelmed. It is a matter of laying out my priorities, of filtering out the noise in my own head and making a decision.

I do this with prayer, with exercise, and sometimes just going with my gut. Its funny though because after I make the decision, I don't feel a sense of relief. I don't get that sense of relief until I have spoken to those involved in person and know that they are ok. That is stressful in itself. I need to be more confident in my decision and let others deal with it. I don't mean that in the snotty way of saying "deal with it". But in the literal sense of dealing with it. 

We say a lot in this culture "I don't owe anyone anything!"  I don't personally believe that. I owe God my life, I owe Steve my commitment and more, I owe my kids my time and love, I owe my family and friends, time and friendship, I owe my enemies forgiveness and the list goes on and on.  

We are all interconnected. Whether we like it or not. We are social creatures, designed by God, to work, to live, to procreate, to create communities. The decisions others make affects you, the decision you make affect others. We are our brothers keepers. 

Haircut

So I got my haircut the other day..... It was the first time my hair has ever been cut by a dude. I don't mean a man, a person of the male sex, I mean a dude. Scruffy facial hair and grunts instead of words and all. 

Don't get me wrong, I don't mind being touched by a man at all. My hair washing experience was a head massage. I don't know if he meant it to be one but it was nice. I love having my hair washed by someone else. 

After the wash, we sit in the chair and I show him a picture of the haircut I would like. He makes this weird face. My mind immediately assumes that he thinks it is the a horrible haircut for me. That I will look terrible. He asks to borrow my phone while he goes talk to his instructor. (Yeah, I go to Aveda Institute for my haircuts) 

When he returns, the instructor is with him. She begins to discuss the cut with him. At that moment I realize, it wasn't that I choose a bad haircut, I chose a cut he didn't know how to do. 

Ok, now what! I don't freak out. I sit patiently and he starts to cut. The instructor is off in the distance watching while doing other stuff. At one point she comes over and cuts the layers into half of my head, teaching him as she goes along. He is instructed to cut the other half.

While he is cutting my hair, he all of a sudden stops. He says "I'll be right back" and walks away. I figured right away that he had cut himself with the scissors. The instructor comes and takes the scissors and comb away. I am sitting there waiting and waiting. Finally he comes back and yep there is a little bandage on one finger. OOPS!!!

He has to spray my hair wet again. So he grabs the spray bottle and spritzes my hair. He tosses the bottle onto the counter and it lands sideways, he doesn't even notice. I told you, dude!

Finally he is done. Only an hour later. Not bad for a pretty simple cut. The instructor comes over and checks. She cleans it up a little. But all in all he did a good job. 

Now he has to diffuse my hair with a hair dryer. He mentions to his instructor that his earlier customer needed to diffusing and her hair come out very frizzy. Uh Oh!

She explains how to diffuse correctly. He begins to blow dry my hair and is touching it. Yeah, touching it. Anyone and everyone knows that you don't touch hair because you make it frizzy. Again a dude!!

The instructor comes over again and explains that you should touch the hair as little as possible. Especially curly hair! Otherwise it will frizz. 

Finally we are done. Again he did a pretty good job. It was simple haircut. Sort of short Meg Ryan look. Head massaged and hair cut by a dude. It was a good day.