"Sins of the father"

"Sins of the Father"

What does this mean? Are kids punished for the bad things done by their parents? Not literally, sure, but kids are impacted by the choices their parents make.

How we act, how we live, what we do everyday, how we handle our relationships... All of these are modeled by our children. None of us are perfect. None of us will ever be perfect. We have to live our lives happily making good choices for our selves and our family.

But I am thinking about the bigger issues. The detrimental impact things like alcoholism, drug addiction, physical, emotional and sexual abuse can have on families and children for decades to come.

My parenting skills, or lack there of, are a direct result of my childhood. (The same holds true for Steve, for you) For example, my mother wasn't a good housekeeper. I am not a good housekeeper. My children may not be the best housekeepers.

When Steve and I decided to make a life together, we brought our own issues and baggage to the relationship. We had to work through these. We are still working through these. I still can fall back into some of my childhood issues. I am still not a good housekeeper, better than I used to be, but not the best.

But getting back to the heavier issues. How far back do you need to go to figure out where the road turns and a cycle of dysfunction is created. Families get caught in this cycle and can be there for decades. So the issues I face, that effect my children, are a result of issues created by my parents. The issues my parents faced were a result of the issues their parents faced. So on and so on. You could keep going back in the family tree forever. I am not making excuses for peoples choices. At some point your life becomes your own and the choices you make are yours. Not excuses just some rational for how things go bad.

My Grandparents struggled. I don't know that whole story and probably never will. But I know there were some serious issues. These issues impacted my mothers life, very negatively. Subsequently our childhood was very bad. I am not laying blame or making excuses. Just trying to understand how thinks got so...

To change things takes effort, conscience effort. Takes recognition that something is wrong and needs to be different. Takes work to break old habits and create new ones. This is very challenging. Maybe one of the hardest things to do.

When Steve and I began our lives together, we knew we wanted to move out of the city. To create a different life for our children. I have written about how moving to Ann Arbor was a culture shock for me. I have tried to create a different life for my children. I have done that. They way they grew up or are growing up is so completely different from my childhood it is incredible. There is no way to put it into words. You would have to live it to see it. But the issues I face because of my childhood are still a part of me and subsequently are a part of my childrens lives.

My extended family(my sisters, brothers, mother) are dealing with some of the trauma from our childhood. We are struggling right now. We are in a better place to deal with them. We are stronger. We can get through this. Sometimes I wonder if we are strong enough. I lose faith. But then I look my Mom and her resolve. I know that changes she has made in her life forthe better. I know the family will heal and come out stronger. I know God is watching over us and hears our prayers.

God Bless you all. Please pray for me as I do for you.