I grew up in tough streets of Detroit to a single mom. She did the best she could with what she had, what she was given. Was she perfect? Absolutely not. Did she make mistakes? Yes, lots, some big and small. But I hold no grudge against her. Like I said she did the best she could with what she had. She worked and tried and tried again. Always trying to improve our life. Even when things got there worst, she stood tall, drew on her faith and kept going. But she wasn't a father, a dad.
Every time there was a new boyfriend I would pray that this one would be nice, would love us all and be a dad. It never worked out that way. Some were nice, others not. Some tried, some didn't. I still always longed for a traditional family, a mom and a dad and kids.
I have worked hard to give that to my kids. My husband is a great dad to his kids. He is a blessing to our family. Steve and I have worked hard to have a happy marriage. It is a choice, every day. It can be challenging. Especially for me, who comes from a home that didn't model a strong marriage. I had to learn and grow into it. I prayed a lot for strength. But I wanted my kids to have a strong traditional family.
We still work on our marriage, everyday. Some days are easy and joyful. Some days we have to work at it. We have to pick our battles. Some days it takes a dying to my selfish needs.
Other days it takes having an open conversation with my husband about my needs and desires. Other days I have to listen to what he needs and desires. We both work at making the other one happy. In giving we receive, in dying to oneself we find happiness. We take our vows very seriously. We have put God in the midst of our marriage. We know we can't do it alone.
I do see young people struggling with the idea of marriage and giving 100% to someone else. Our society has taught them to be selfish. To get their own needs and desires met at the expense of others. Our society no longer values obedience, discipline, unselfishness. We say we don't need anyone but ourselves. None of these are true. We need each other, we need God.
There is true love in complete unselfishness for those you love. Marriage is tough, marriage is a choice everyday.
Numerous studies have shown that kids that grow up in a traditional home with a mom and a dad do better, are more successful. Girls who grow up with a father have better self esteem. For me it was important for my kids to have a mom and a dad, a traditional family. For Steve and I to be happy and to reflect what a marriage can look like. Where we perfect? Absolutely not. Did we make mistakes? Yes, some big and some small. We did the best with what we had and what we were given. We are still learning and growing. Drawing on our faith and standing tall.
